Funny JOTD (Joke of the day)

[BCNTM]

Kurt Russell has just announced he is going to star in a new film

'Escape from London'

 

[BCNTM]

My girlfriend said she wanted a dog for Christmas.

But the last three times I got her one it disappeared.

Maybe Chinese people are just really unlucky?

 

[BCNTM]

On the first day of Covid my true love coughed on me.

 

[Gaz]

Interviewer - Can you explain this four year gap in your job history?
Interviewee - That's when I went to Yale.
Interviewer - That's impressive, you're hired.
Interviewee - Thanks, I really need this yob.

 

[BCNTM]

First rule of 2021 , don't buy a calendar.

 

[Jake84]

First rule of 2021 , don't buy a calendar.

Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar? He got 12 months.

 

[digrar]

Interviewer - Can you explain this four year gap in your job history?
Interviewee - That's when I went to Yale.
Interviewer - That's impressive, you're hired.
Interviewee - Thanks, I really need this yob.

I took a disturbingly long time to get that... Like weeks, I reckon I saw it on another site in November and...

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[Gaz]

I took a disturbingly long time to get that... Like weeks, I reckon I saw it on another site in November and...

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Accept third party cookies

 

[Gaz]

Frankly, I find it hard to believe that I never became a professional artist.

 

[digrar]

I was thinking it must be a Yale thing that I hadn't yet come across... The dude that first posted it was a Yale grad, I think that started some of my comprehension issues.

 

[BCNTM]

The Sydney Harbour New Year 20/21 fireworks display cost $6.6 million.

Still, the homeless had a great view from under the bridge.

 

[BCNTM]

This New Year I gave a homeless guy £500 and an iPhone.

I've never felt such happiness as when he put his gun away.

 

[BCNTM]

I walked into the off-licence and a bloke working there said, "Do you need help?"

"Yes," I replied, "but I'm here to get whisky instead."

 

[BCNTM]

Well Congress was easy.

Next I’m goin’ to Area 51 to see me some Aliens.

 

[BCNTM]

With the inauguration just over a week away,

with the future of the western world at stake,

Donald Trump is in the bunker deciding how to turn things around.




Sand wedge or cheeky chipper?.

 

[BCNTM]

"The Dutch Police have not confiscated any ham sandwiches from British Drivers."

Said Police Chief Bobby Van Stealer.

 

[BCNTM]

Back in my day, you would cough to cover up a fart.

Now, with COVID-19, you fart to cover up a cough!

 

[BCNTM]

According to Australia,

COVID stands for "Citizens of Victoria ignoring directions".

 

[BCNTM]

London has such a caring community.

I've just seen four homeless people giving each other the COVID vaccine under London Bridge.

 

[BCNTM]

Am I the only one to tune in on inauguration day just to see if the new president gets shot?