Funny JOTD (Joke of the day)

[Jake84]

Did you know that the very first condoms were invented by the Welsh, using sheep intestines?

But it wasn't until the 19th century that the English perfected it by removing it from the sheep first.

 

[BCNTM]

French fishermen achieve a world first for COP 26

First fleet to get to 'net' zero........................

 

[Jake84]

 

[Jake84]

A man was walking through a rather seedy section of town, when a bum walked up to him and asked the man for two dollars. The man asked, "Will you buy booze with it?" The bum replied, "No." Then the man asked, "Will you gamble it away?" The bum said, "No." Then the man asked the bum, "Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesn't drink or gamble?"

 

[Hiryu2.0]

On a sunny morning, Brezhnev goes out on the balcony of his apartment, looks to the east, and says, “Hello, sun!” The sun replies, “Good morning, dear Leonid Ilyich, the beloved leader of our glorious socialist motherland, the hope of all progressive humanity, and the guardian of peace on Earth!” In the evening, Brezhnev admires the beautiful sunset and fishes for a compliment: “Hello again, sun!” The sun answers, “Poshyol na khuy—go F*** yourself—I am in the West now.

 

[Gaz]

Shamelessly stolen from reddit -

Putin, Biden and Zelensky are all in a hot air balloon and it’s starting to lose altitude. They need to lose some weight to stop from crashing.

Putin throws out a bottle of vodka and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway”

Biden throws out an AR-15 and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway”

Zelensky throws out Putin and says “don’t worry I’ve got too much of that in my country anyway” and looks at Biden smugly as they crash anyways due to the massive weight of Zelensky's balls.

 

[Mark Sman]

Just to be clear - Fake News

Trump Among Putin’s Assets Being Frozen

FOLLOWING a raft of sanctions by EU, America, Canada and other nations on Russia's regime, Vladimir Putin is set to personally feel the pinch as his own overseas wealth is targeted. "Aside from any assets like …

waterfordwhispersnews.com

 

[TIGREDELAIRE]

* mirror, mirror, tell me who of all these commandos is the prettiest? ?
* Boulay! stop fixing your mustache and come at once to the trench!

 

[BCNTM]

What do you call a transgender whale?

Maybe Dick

 

[Fish&Chips]

View attachment 378731
* mirror, mirror, tell me who of all these commandos is the prettiest? ?
* Boulay! stop fixing your mustache and come at once to the trench!

Watch from 1:16

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[Gaz]

I told this one many years ago at mp.net, and frankly I think I went down in several people's estimation but it's a good one so I don't care.

Why is a woman's bumhole like a nine volt battery?

Because even though you know it's wrong, sooner or later you're going to want to put your tongue on it.

 

[Jake84]

An Englishman is on a vacation in Vancouver, BC. During a bus tour he turns right to the guide and just asks: “is there anywhere I can smoke a fag?

The guide replies: “No, we’re pretty tolerant around here.”

 

[Gaz]

^^^ The Vancouver, BC part of that is oddly specific.

 

[Jake84]

San Francisco, CA would have been a better pick for that one?

 

[BravoZulu]

Charlie was installing a new door and found that one of the hinges was missing.
He asked his wife Mary if she would go to the hardware store and pick up a hinge.
Mary agreed to go.
While she was waiting for the manager to finish serving a customer, her eye caught a beautiful bathroom faucet.
When the manager was finished, Mary asked him,
"How much is that faucet?"
The manager replied, "That's a gold plated faucet and the price is $500.00.
Mary exclaimed, "My goodness, that is a very expensive faucet.
It's certainly out of my price bracket."
She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Charlie had sent her to buy.
The manager said that he had them in stock and went into the storeroom to get one.
From the storeroom the manager yelled.
"Ma'am, do you wanna screw for the hinge
Mary paused for a moment and then shouted back,
"No, but I will for the faucet.".