THE THIN BLUE LINE
Later in 1963 I was posted with 9 others to set up the Medical Reception Station (MRS) at the United Nations Forces In Cyprus (UNFICYP) base in Nicosia Cyprus. We were issued with a sky blue Beret and armbands. The ambulance and other vehicles had large red crosses on them and the United Nations ‘World Emblem’ pasted on the top and all sides. A MRS looks after patients that need to be cared for but is not bad enough to be hospitalised.
LEARNING THE HARD WAY
Our first patient was a sunburn case. A group of lads had been given the afternoon off and had gone to the safe beaches of the Sovereign Base Area in Dekelia. This lad had fallen asleep on the beach and was roasted to a turn, he was also unconscious from dehydration because of all the beer he’d consumed. Instead of taking him to the Military Hospital that was just up the road they brought him back nearly 40 miles to us in Nicosia. They thought that being UN they could only be treated by the UN. As the lad was being seen by the doctor, Brian Walsh the RCT drive and myself went to the Chogi Wallah’s hut (Chogi Wallah, name give to any local trader by British Forces) He was hopping mad when we removed his two very large blocks of ice from his coca cola box.
Returning to the ward we chopped the ice up and placed it around the patient He was very ill with a temperature of 102 plus. We soon got the temperature down and brought him back to consciousness. He was then air-vact to the BMH and collected four days later to be looked after us in the MRS were his back was skinless and very painful, thankfully he recovered fully with no scarring.
Nicosia was divided by what was known as the ‘Thin Blue Line.’ The Turkish Cypriots on one side, and the Greeks on the other. To get to the Greek hospital we had to pass through a Turkish roadblock of 45-gallon steel drums. Private Walsh had returned to the UK for compassionate reasons., and I was driving the ambulance. As we approached the roadblock of barrels, the doctor said, “Clip that last barrel and I pay for the drinks. As I drove through the chicane, I managed to clip the end barrel, which then went bouncing off down the road, I managed to do the same on the way back. A few days later the Doc said, “Third time lucky?” I pulled over sharply on the steering wheel and the ambulance hit the barrel with an all mighty bang. Looking in my rear view mirror I saw the back door was only hanging on by the top hinge. The guards had filled the barrel with concrete, so that put an end to the free pints. The Medical Officer told the Motor Transport Officer that the ambulance was hit while we were in the hospital and we didn’t see the accident. So I got the drinks in.
HOW TO MAKE A PROFFIT, WITHOUT REALLY TRYING
After a few weeks I found out that Currency Exchange Unit at the Air Port was open for business. One payday I went over there with my £27.50 cash in English Currency and exchanged it into Cyprus money. Magically it turned into £32.80 due to the rate of exchange. Ever week this extra cash I sent home to my mother in the shape of a Postal Order. When my six-month tour of duty ended, I went home on seven-days leave to find that my mother had not spent the money, but had placed it in my bank account for my return. I took her down town and bought her a new winter coat and shoes.
The week before I was to return home, I went into Nicosia and purchased a Methuselah. (A gallon of wine in a glass and wire basket) On returning to the MRS I used the infra red lamp and heated the wax until I could remove the top without breaking the seal. We drank the wine and I filled the container with five star brandy. I then heated the seal again and placed it back on the Methuselah bottle and then applied a squirt of CO2 which froze it tight again. I got through customs with no bother
R and E DEPARTMENT
(Reception and Enquires now Accident and emergency)
My leave over, I returned to BHM Tidworth. My new job was working in the Casualty department and one of the first people I met was Jan, so we started going out together.
NEVER MIND THE QUALITY, FEEL THE MIRTH
One night on duty, an unconscious Ghurkha was brought into casualty. A Colonel whom I shall not name was on duty. After giving the patient a thorough examination he declared that the patient was suffering from urine retention. “As the patient is unconscious and won’t feel any pain,” he said, “I intend to exert presser on his bladder and remove the blockage.” I went off to collect a urine bottle; upon my return I placed the man's penis into the bottle. The doctor extends a little light pressure to the man’s abdomen. As nothing was happening he exerted more pressure, so much so that the man's penis popped out of the bottle. The external pressure on the abdomen forced a small stone to be dislodged. The bladder now being freed from its blockage, sent a stream of urine about five feet into the air. Seeing this eruption of urine, I jumped back away from the table. The Colonel stood his ground. The urine not having the necessary velocity to escape Earths gravitational pull now started its downward motion in the direction of the doctor. The cascading urine landed on his right shoulder and ran down his white coat. As a smirk spread across my face the Colonel said, “I suppose you think this is funny?” Still gazing at the urine running down his coat I saw that his right pocket was now filling up. This vision was too much for me and I busted out laughing, which got me another seven days restrictive privileges.
sal;
:evil: 
